Feeling a little Thor

Pedal to the, ahem, metal....

There have been times in the UAE when it didn’t rain for two and a half years. In fact the expression ‘saving for a rainy day’ has become so redundant that most of us spend all our money instead on wine, women (or Chippendales) and racing cars. The latter usually demanding the most cash, naturally. Today however, was a rainy day. A very rainy day, with evil, tainted skies generating daylight the colour of jaundice, calamitous thunderstorms, torrential rain (typical - I only washed my bloody car yesterday!) and an air of foreboding; just one bode away from a cataclysmic fiveboding, and we all know how bad that is.

Consequently those magnificent men in their hovery, inverted egg whisk’oplanes, couldn’t see the ground beneath them and so said they couldn’t fly. Here’s a clue Mr. Pilot – you were standing on it when you said you couldn’t fly. And if the helicopters don’t fly there’s no medical cover and if there’s no medical cover the race is delayed. This may not be popular with the competitors, but it IS good practice, and as a repeat beneficiary of those kind people in the SAR teams, I know it’s the right thing to do.

Here's a photo I prepared earlier.

Thus it was that Ian and Sheila were, along with all the other competitors, told to drive on tarmac to a point about 100kms into the rally stage and wait. And wait. And wait. Until eventually the winds died down, the balloon went up (well, OK, the helicopters), and our heroes were released into the wild yellow yonder and told to make their way to the bivouac. (Quick track, bivouac, give The Dog a home). So off they jolly well sped, with yours truly once again failing to get half his work done because the annoying thing about having live tracking on your computer is that you daren’t look away. You minimise it, ignore it, then after 10 minutes the temptation becomes too great and you start checking their position again. Then that of friends who are racing, then the race leaders, then people who look like they might be stuck, then back to car 222 again, then 242, then bike 27, etc. etc. And then you finally minimise the screen. But only for 10 minutes. Repeat ad nauseum.

That's how that I knew Newtrix were briefly stuck for a few minutes at around 1.30pm, then again for just a couple of minutes at around 2.30pm, but after that it was pedal to the metal and Ian and Sheila were soon leaving a trail of cars in their wake. What I didn’t know of course was that the drop into the first stuck had caused the radiator catch tank to work loose, which would later cause occasional overheating and thus the engine would kick into default “4 cylinder mode”. Now suddenly having 165 horsepower instead of 330 is not what you want when racing in the desert – but it’s better than cooking your engine, so whilst inconvenient, it wasn’t a game changer.



That JCB would have been useful today.



Throughout this time I kept updating poor Richard down in the desert, via SMS. A couple of times he thanked me for the news, but when he replied “Thanks for the updates, even though they give me heart attacks” I decided to keep the news to myself. This evening Ian called me to say that they had also been suffering from intermittent engine ‘çut outs’ and upon investigation tonight by Richard “I’ll check my list and find the cause” Bailey, it was determined that the wing mounted cut out switches were playing up, so he’s spanked them and sent them to bed early. We expect no further problems tomorrow or there’ll be trouble.

With Ian and Sheila cruising down a track at 100kmh and just 6kms from the finish line at about 4.30pm, I sent Richard what I now realise was a stupid text. “Nearly there” I said “put the kettle on”. Oh dear. Kiss of death. Dr. B.S. will not be doing that again. Just minutes from the finish line and with only one more line of dunes to cross, the desert reached up, grabbed the Dog by the tail and hung on to it. Stuck. Really, really stuck, spitting distance from the finish line. Not that there was any spitting to be done, because digging a car out of the sand for 90 minutes, yes folks, one and a half hours, doesn’t leave you with any spit left to waste.



Malcolm & Patrick had a good day and are lying 23rd overall.

 When it became clear that they were struggling I called Richard and Fred, and thanks to the wonders of modern technology, could give them I&S’s exact position, and tell them what appeared to be a quick and easy route to the car. I thought if the car was broken in some way we would be much better off getting there in daylight, regardless of the penalties to be incurred for receiving assistance. Trouble is, Google doesn’t update its maps every day (typical – lazy swines) and so when Richard tried to follow my directions he was faced with miles and miles of fencing instead of the open tracks I could see on my screen. Undeterred he headed off into the desert, and I was able to pick out both a gate in the fence, and a circuitous but apparently well traveled path which would get him to within 200 metres of Ian and Sheila. Halfway down this track and with the corrugated road rattling Richard and Fred’s teeth down to their root canals, he then received a message to say that after their energy sapping digging, Ian and Sheila were ‘free at last’ and heading for the finish line.

Ian rang me at around 9.30pm in high spirits, because despite the days woes, the car’s in one piece, the clutch is holding up, they’ve no penalties and they are ready to rock tomorrow from a position of 38th overall. So not a bad day in the desert after all.

Cote D'dust

Ladies, gentlemen, and those of you with spectacularly tight racing leathers, like Christmas, the FA Cup and International Left Handed Day (August 13th in case you were wondering), I’m back for my once a year, never to be repeated until next year appearance. Yes, tis I, The Phantom Blogger, custodian of the three holey socks, blogger of words, blagger of parts, bugger all use, and writer of those things which were once unspoken but which are now completely and utterly pixelated before your very eyes. 

Faster than a Ferrari World Roller Coaster

BUT, my miniontastic little munchkins, you may no longer address me as “The PB” for since we last met I have been endowed, some might even say well endowed, with an Honorary Doctorate. Oh yes I have. It’s pointless, intended purely for my own self promotion , and thoroughly undeserved, yet there it is on my wall for all to see. The Phantom Blogger, Honorary Doctor of Blog Scribing. You may simply refer to me as “Dr. B.S.” for short.



My presence can only mean one thing; that it’ll be a week before this blog makes any sense. Oh wait, two things. The second being that Ian and Sheila are away making loud burbly noises in the desert with their big metal box on wheels, alongside lots of other people who feel the need to do the same. Yes,the Abu Dhabi Desert Challenge 2013 is under way.  



This afternoon Ian, Sheila, Richard “It’ll be on my list somewhere” Bailey and Fred “I fancied a week off work” Santiago dragged their weary bodies down to the Prologue in Abu Dhabi. Now in NCAA football they have the Rose Bowl. And cheerleaders; Phantom likes cheerleaders….and in the NFL they have the Super Bowl. And cheerleaders. Phantom really, really likes cheerleaders. But the ADDC has what can best be described as the Dust Bowl. Which is all very well – but there are no cheerleaders. Just dust. Lots of dust. And on top of the dust, a light dusting of dust. And not a perky pair of pom poms in sight. Boo hiss.

 

Dust. Just dust. It's a must.



Just as you can be sure of overpriced roses on Valentine’s Day, so you can be sure of foul weather and DUST for the DC prologue. Of course you’ll never know that from the photos herewith attached, for such are my Lightroom skills (think Photoshop, only better) that you see only fantastic pictures of our heroic racers, but the strong winds which blew up yesterday morning continued to blow throughout this afternoon, reducing visibility to “three tenths of a little bit”. This does not please anyone who drives down to AUH for 90 minutes only to have their face and more importantly camera gear sandblasted into oblivion. But never mind, I knew it would all be worthwhile when Ian and Sheila saw me on the sidelines, preserving those precious race moments for all time. “Oh you were there were you, we didn’t see you” said Ian as we spoke later on the phone. No, well that would be because I was the only 6’ tall photographer in a fluorescent yellow vest!! But they didn’t see me. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I’m known as “The Phantom”

  

Nextrix Racing, 2013 stylee!



Ian drove sensibly (imagine that!) to preserve the car and Newtrix finished the prologue on 25th place, exactly halfway through the 49 car field. Now you might argue that 25th is halfway through a 50 car field but I would disagree. You see there are 24 cars ahead of them, and 24 behind them, so they’re halfway. If you have a problem with that, please send me a postcard.  

1.2kms in and Mabbsy's already lost his co-driver!



Other local racers of note include Malcolm Anderson and Patrick McMurren (#242) of Team Dune Raider, who finished the day in 41st (thus making a mockery of the seeding system which had put them way back in 42nd place) Seb Husseini (Quad #139) in 4th, Colin Mercer (Quad #138) 13th, Alan Boyter (Bike #36) 47th and the inimitable Mr. David Mabbs, who, having emptied the UAE of people insane enough to co-drive alongside him, has taken to two wheels and this year is competing on bike #27 (44th in the prologue).

Ian told me this evening that he fears the race car’s clutch is not as healthy as it might be, so first thing tomorrow I’m to try to track down the only other known clutch of its type in the country. Yes, really. Looks like the DC has started! 

Triumph at last!

No, I haven't bought a TR6, although that's not such a bad idea.

There have been several 'Solo Races' held up at Umm Al Quwain Motorplex, which are short-course off-road time trials - sort of mini-rallies. A course of about 11km is run three times, and the best overall time wins.

Saluki Motorsport had just returned the Beast to, having done a very neat and permanent job of replacing the spider which holds the thrust bearing, They also re-fitted the P/S pump and found a broken front spring to replace, which explains why it was a bit lop-sided at Qatar. So I thought I'd give it a good shakedown by participating in today's Solo Race.

There were 4 vehicles in the buggy class - including Mark Powell - and another 7 in the 4x4 class. There were several V8 Patrols of one sort or another, one with a Land Cruiser 4.7L and another with a 4L out of a Lexus. The course was a tight,twisty track with a lot of bumps and drop-offs - not really my sort of course at all.

I went round the first time in 9 mins 47 secs, Mark was way quicker at 8.39, so no surprise there. One driver manages to pitch-pole his diesel Land Cruiser onto its roof, which rather delays the proceedings. The second time round I was again 9.47, which I assumed was either a coincidence or a mistake (probably the latter.) Third time round and again I managed to make a completely different set of mistakes from the first two rounds, but still finished in 9.47. (Mark unfortunately blew his clutch on that lap.)

So as I'm loading the car back on the trailer, the organisers call me over to tell me I've won the 4x4 class! I thought they were kidding, but no, I'm up for a photo with the big trophy!

First time I've ever won anything. Since both my (absent) spanner-men, Mr Carless and Mr Bailey are named Richard, it would be correct to say that I'm as happy as a dog with two Dicks.

Going to Car-O-Liner in my mind

It’s taken a while to get round to an update. Unfortunately, my ghost-writing colleague was so completely worn-out and knackered by his narrative efforts that he had to immediately rush off on holiday to India as soon as I got back from the DC. This left me, worn-out and knackered as I am from our rallying, to do some actual work in the office. Sadly, this has taken priority over blogging.

Anyway… 2nd April saw me heading back to White Sands Grocery with the trailer on tow, while Streaky and Dave Pryce headed out from Pryce Mansion in the leafy suburbs of Abu Dhabi. In accordance with my cunning plan, they reached the dead Patrol a lot earlier than me, and did all the donkey work. They winched the truck out of the hole, winched the steering rod into some semblance of straightness and (surprisingly) drove it back to the gatch track, where I only had to load it on the trailer. Job done, and many thanks to the two of them.

Back in Dubai, we realized that we had an impressive list of mechanical jobs to do. Front hub bolts to be drilled out and replaced, gearbox to be removed (sounds like a ton of sand in the clutch), front axle to be straightened, further work on the cooling and so on. And on. But before we get to that, we need to rectify the damage, which turned out to be much more than superficial. With the wings off, we could see that the chassis was bent, so I contacted Mr Sacco Dermoussissian at Polimar. Polimar have the Car-o-Liner, a piece of Swedish magic which makes a 3D map of the damaged chassis and compares it to the record in its 10,000-plus car database of what the chassis should look like. Each of the 60 datum points should be within 3mm of the original, and the data shows exactly what has to be pulled, pushed or massaged to achieve factory-perfect alignment.

So now we have a competition. Using your skill, judgement and the above photos, guess the maximum misalignment of the chassis in any direction. All I can tell you is that the left hand chassis rail is bent up, and both are bent to the right, and anything in excess of 9mm is sufficient to fail registration at Dubai Police (who also have a Car-o-Liner). The nearest guess wins a passenger ride in the Beast once it’s back in one piece!

BUGGER!!

For once I’m afraid the witty comments and music hall gags escape me. Today started out full of promise, with Ian and Sheila lying in 6th place overall and 3rd in the T1 category. And as they set off on this, the last day of the 2010 Desert Challenge, they stormed through the field, soon dispatching one competitor after another on the early stage gatch track and dunes.

Eventually they caught up with friends Fadi and Mario in the “Strange Rover” and knowing Fadi is an excellent dune driver, Ian decided wisely to protect his race position and simply follow Fadi through the rough patches of desert.

Unfortunately, at some point, Ian drifted just a few feet to the side of Fadi’s own route. Maybe the width of a car or two but not more, yet in the desert, at race speeds, these things can make a huge difference. Fadi crossed a dune crest perfectly safely yet as the front of Ian and Sheila’s vehicle broke over the top just to the right of Fadi’s line, it slammed into rising terrain on the other side with such force that it broke the front suspension. With the vehicle crippled, the heart-broken pair knew their race was over. They were just 100kms from the finish of a 2,500 kilometre race and, having started later than Fadi, were incredibly, running in second place on the stage. Only the works BMW driven by a professional race driver was faster.

To add insult to injury, just a few minutes later one of the Abu Dhabi based Fitech cars came over the same dune, smacked into the back of Ian’s Patrol and incredibly, then drove off without stopping to see if anyone had been hurt or what damage had been done. So, to the French driver of the offending car, I take great pleasure in reminding you that if it wasn’t for Britain you’d be called Fritz, speaking German and eating sauerkraut right now. Ever heard of Trafalgar? Remember Agincourt? We whipped your boys there too. So we happily raise two fingers at you, in the traditional English archers salute. Read ‘em and weep.

Anyway, moving on…..

Ian and Sheila traveled back in a support car to the Yas Marina circuit for the race finish, then Ian and Rick returned to the race car to try, without success tonight, to recover it from the desert. Our good friend Streaky is currently driving a borrowed monstrous Ford F350 truck which is probably the most suitably equipped rig in the area to drag the Patrol to the side of the road, so tomorrow he’s offered to help recover it. Rick must hot foot it back to Dubai tonight because he’s on a plane home to Manchester about now – thanks Rick for your sterling support. What are you doing about this time next year mate?

Also thanks to Cesar who ably assisted Rick, Ian and Sheila. Sorry Cesar but it’s back to reality on Sunday – we’ve got an installation for you at Dubai Investment Park.

Aaaah. There’s always next year……………….!

Fadi went on to finish second on the stage I believe and second highest placed gulf team. A prize that might well have been Ian and Sheila’s but for lady ‘luck’.

Malcolm Anderson and Mark Schofield finished just outside the top 10 but Malcolm drove incredibly well today, covering over 100 kilometres in a 20 year old Range Rover with a broken diff and consequently without front wheel drive. Well done mate!

Sorry but as yet the official results are not on the race website so I can’t be sure how Team FJ got on.

Congratulations too to my friend, bike rider James West. After shattering his leg in last year’s race then suffering all sorts of complications with the recovery, James rode the race of his life this week and finished second overall, giving KTM bikes a 1-2 finish with Marc Coma taking the victory. A works ride for James can’t be that far away surely…….are you listening KTM???

Right, I’m so exhausted I’m now taking two weeks holiday to travel around India. Assuming I’m not eaten by tigers in Ranthambhore, in the words of Arnie. “I’ll be back”. Do you think I'll spot any cheese eating surrender monkeys while I'm there? Je ne sais pas.

Meanwhile ‘normal service will be resumed’ with Ian’s first post race post (ooh, I like that, first post race post. Sounds good) in the next 72 hours I’d imagine, when he and Sheila have slept off their exhaustion.

WELL DONE to the pair of you.

Patrol holes and a Saluki at the vet's....

Sorry folks but it’s going to be a quick update tonight because I’ve just got in late from Abu Dhabi and I’m dog tired. I’ll try to add more information tomorrow.
Ian and Sheila started the day in 5th overall and were running well until somewhere between PC3 and PC4. Driving on white sand at around mid-day when the sun’s overhead and there are no shadows to define the terrain, Ian came over a crest only to drop the vehicle into what he described as a “perfect Patrol sized hole”. With the front of the car pointing skywards over the next crest but the back doors jammed on the sand behind, it took them 10 minutes just to dig behind the back doors enough to open them to get the sand ladders and shovel out.

Fortunately they had just passed some spectators who turned out to be of the friendly, helpful variety, who drove over and gave Ian and Sheila a helping hand to extract the car. Delayed for a while and with the tyres now down at around 12psi, they then sped off. Ian was thinking to himself “I must stop and reinflate the tyres or I’ll pop one off the rim" but then when he was caught by a couple of other cars and dueling with them in the dunes, guess what? Yep, the tyre popped off. So at that point, after changing one, he thought it best to air up again.....

Eventually they crossed the line in just over six and a half hours and in 6th place. Our friend Fadi Melky finished in in third in 6 hours and 6 minutes. See, I told you yesterday he wouldn’t give up easily! Newtrix will start tomorrow, the final day of the rally, from a position of 6th overall, and 3rd in T1 class.

Other local team news

A bad day for Team Saluki. Running in second place on the day, Mark and Paul were again flying through the stage, but today took that concept just a little too literally. They were still at full throttle when they reached a steep drop off which neither crew member noticed in time. The car dropped onto its nose, very hard and at high speed, then rolled and ended up on its side. Mark and Paul were medivaced to Madinat Zayed Hospital for precautionary checks but I’m pleased to say suffered only cuts and bruises. I asked Mark how he was and he said “I’m fine but the car’s………..”. Well actually, on second thoughts, I won’t tell you what he said. There might be children reading!

Fadi & Mario – had a great day, third place on the stage today, good job guys.

Malcolm and Mark; I heard they’d broken a differential but still they finished 10th overall on the day. That old Rangie seems to be hanging in there.

David & Xavier. Haven’t spoken to them but they finished with several hours penalties so I guess didn’t reach all the PCs.

Fingers crossed that everyone gets to the finish line safely tomorrow.

Right, I’ll take a bow now. Or is that a bow wow? Maybe a dognap?

Tracks, tracking and track rods

STOP PRESS

As of 11.45pm local UAE time the official race website results show Ian and Sheila placed FIFTH overall in the Abu Dhabi Desert Challenge 2010 and SECOND in the T1, modified 4x4 category. And since this is the first event of the 2010 Cross Country World Cup, that means that an 'old dog' and his young friend are currently, officially, the second best specialist 4x4 drivers in the world. So no pressure tomorrow then.

The trouble with having live tracking of the race on your PC is that it’s difficult to get any work done. When I checked at around mid-day today Ian and Sheila were FLYING round the stage – they were in third place for well over two hours, which was exciting, so I kept checking. Then the signal from the car disappeared! I thought the worst, even thinking at one point that if they were upside down, the GPS aerial would be covered and that this might be the problem. I rang Rick and he hadn’t seen them pass, and I started to worry. So I checked more and more often, despite being rudely interrupted by customers and staff on more than one occasion. Have they no sense of priority!

Eventually the satellite tracking showed me that Newtrix were in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, which I must admit surprised me, and I calculated that they’d been traveling at approximately 2,000 kilometres per hour. Or Mach 1.5. Now that’s impressive. I was concerned that at those speeds Ian might have had the usual engine problems but apparently not – 15 minutes later I checked back in and they’d returned to Liwa. Given that most of the competitors covered just 380 kms today whilst Ian and Sheila appear to have covered close to four thousand, I think they’ve earned a drink. God only knows when they stopped to refuel. I’ll have another word with Sheila about calibrating the trip meter more carefully though. To be honest, she really should have noticed that degree of error.

Anyway once normal tracking service had been resumed, it seemed clear to me that something was afoot. It turned out to be the fleshy, toey thing on the end of my leg. Not only that, but Ian had slowed down. And that’s not an expression with which I’m particularly familiar. By now Team Saluki and a couple of the other front runners had clearly retired for the day so I knew if their Dognesses could cross the finish line, they’d be in a good position for tomorrow’s race.

Another call to Rick confirmed my fears, they’d see the race car go past but a bent tie rod meant that the front wheels were pointing in different directions, causing major drag on Ian’s strength, to keep it moving straight ahead, on the power steering pump, the tyre walls and almost certainly, Ian’s patience. He drove the last three hours of the race like this, finishing after a grueling seven and a half hours behind the wheel, and tells me he’s unlikely to go to the gym tonight. No need really.

And here’s another wonderful benefit of satellite tracking. Early in the day Rick called me to say “are you near a computer, can you tell me where they are? Bear in mind that Rick was at the time located around 600kms from my office and staring at a fairly large sand pit in which he was trying to observe a single car. Silly Boy. A quick check on the system told me that Ian and Sheila had passed the point where Rick was stood about an hour earlier. Upon relaying this information Rick was heard to say “Christ, I’d better go or we’ll never catch them back up” and since he was driving a similar car to Ian’s but on flat tarmac, that gives you some idea how fast Ian was driving.

Ian told me this evening that Sheila has now definitely got the hang of cutting corners at waypoints. By turning at the moment the GPS picks up a waypoint signal and tells the co-driver it's been 'collected', which is typically around 250m before reaching the exact point itself, Sheila is able to give Ian advanced notice of 'short cuts' which means not having to slow down, taking wider turns much faster. This can add up to several minutes saved by the end of the day. "Way to go Sheila" Of course she had a good tutor. Modesty forbids me from mentioning his full name. Tim something or other.

The photos above, of Ian and Sheila racing on Day 1 (note - no chicken wire grille)were kindly supplied by The Right Honourable Mr. Craig McAteer, who writes and takes photos for a Dubai based rally team named after a dog. Hang on a minute.......Deja Vu all over again.

Other local team news:

Desert FJ never started the day – they damaged the front diff in yesterday’s heavy landing (a.k.a. ‘crash’) and since they drive the only FJ Cruiser in the country fitted with a manual gearbox, the available diffs are the wrong spec so they drove to the start line, turned round and came back. Failing to start would mean exclusion from the race. They incur maximum penalties this way but can still race tomorrow if they succeed in repairing the car

Team Saluki were on a mission in the morning, driving even faster than Newtrix (only just). But 3kms after the service point the steering pump pulley shattered, leaving them with no way of running the water pump or alternator. Having no cooling and no battery is a bad situation to be in, so they made the smart decision to return to the service point, then to the bivouac on tarmac, thus avoiding getting stuck in the desert. Smart move, no matter how galling it is to pull out of the race day halfway through

Fadi Melki is apparently still struggling through the desert as I write this. I don’t know what the problem is but Fadi is not the sort to ever give up (frankly, no-one who races in the desert would last long if they gave up easily) so I’m sure he’ll be back tomorrow.

Malcolm and Mark’s “Ansell Chassis Racer” completed the stage in a grueling NINE hours. I know from personal experience how hard it is to keep up the momentum driving an old Classic Rangie in the desert and I don’t doubt that they’ll be shattered. But they made it – a creditable achievement on such a grueling stage.

Emile and Patrick pulled out of the day’s stage at PC2 with mechanical problems and I had a call from Patrick, whom I “taught the DC ropes” to along with Sheila and Mark, asking for my advice about race regulations as they drove back.

Isn’t technology wonderful – enjoying satellite tracking and offering regulations advice whilst 600 kms from the race in air conditioned comfort. And I get to have a proper shower and sleep in my own bed. THIS is the way to do the Desert Challenge!

Woooooooooooff, I’m outta here

Dune Roamin'

Having spoken to Ian a few minutes ago, I’m happy to say that he’s in MUCH better spirits than he was yesterday. The modifications to the bonnet (there’s that word again) combined with the goat deflecting chicken wire (no animals were hurt in the making of today’s rally stage) have helped reduce the engine bay temperature, leading to far fewer occasions when the ECU picked up the ball, cut out 4 cylinders and refused to play.

Unfortunately on one of the few occasions when it DID decide to pack up, even though the car was on level ground at the time, Ian described the sand there as being “as soft as silt”. At least, I think that’s what he said - there was a bit of a crackle on the line at the time. Consequently the car immediately sank into the ‘soft silt’, necessitating the use of sand ladders under the front wheels, and a further reduction in tyre pressures. This cost Ian and Sheila 5 to 10 minutes delay but Ian felt the car drove a lot better from then on thanks to the lower pressures, so they soon made up the lost time, and then some.

Sheila unfortunately was feeling a bit under the weather for much of the first half of the day. Speaking from personal experience I know that the particular dunes they were driving early on had a strange effect on my stomach too when I was co-driving. There must be something about the pitch of the dunes in that section because it was from the same area that I was airlifted out in 2006 due to dehydration as a result of constant vomiting. Sorry but that’s the glamorous life of a co-driver for you. Sheila too ‘fed the fish’ a few times today but being a great trooper (as opposed to a State Trooper – different hats) she Percy Veered. No giving up and taking a helicopter ride for her, oh no. I shall never be able to look her in the eye again. I out wimped her.

At one point Ian stopped the car next to long time friend and off roading companion Alan Passmore in one of the Sweep cars, hoping that he might have a medic on board. You’d have thought that with his wife in the car feeling unwell, Ian would be able to resist chatting up the nurses for just ONE morning, but apparently not! Unfortunately there was no pretty nurse on board, but John Tan, bless his little cotton socks, was carrying some travel sickness tablets (he’d obviously traveled with Alan before) and he was able to administer life saving medication to Sheila. Rumours that John was in fact wearing a nurse’s uniform at the time remain unconfirmed at this juncture. That’ll be Dh 500 then John - Thanks.

So with no further ado, Newtrix bid Alan and his Ward Sister adieu, and sped off again. Soon they were in faster sections with some steep climbs and Ian had time to enjoy the massive torque of the 5.7 litre V8 Chevrolet engine pulling the Patrol along at full speed. When you consider the amount of money he’s spent on an engine rebuild and additional components for the block, if he ever tries to tell you that torque is cheap, don’t believe a word of it.

At the service point they stopped to fix a broken exhaust hanger which was causing the rear exhaust can to thrash around violently under the vehicle. After waiting for hours in the glaring sunshine, Rick was delighted to be able crawl under the shade of the car, cover himself in dust and oil, burn his hands on the exhaust pipe and wish Ian and Sheila “a pleasant onward journey”. What a nice bloke. Did he get a tip? Did he heck.

And so their Dognesses pounded on through the desert, occasionally overtaking vehicles which one might have reasonably expected to able to run faster than Newtrix, but with Ian’s ebullient attitude and incomparable driving skills matched only by Sheila’s faultless navigation, they strove forth in search of glory. Damn. This is good stuff!

However their goal of racing across the finish at PC 5 was not to be – for safety’s sake the organisers will sometimes insist that cars which reach earlier PCs after a certain time limit, must return directly to the bivouac by a more direct route, usually on a combination of gatch and tarmac roads. It means that tired drivers do not end up lost in the middle of no-where late into the evening, thus reducing the load on the Sweep and Rescue teams. Unfortunately Ian and Sheila, along with the vast majority of the field, were subject to such instructions at PC4, meaning that they drove back to the bivouac under the veil of receiving maximum penalties on the day. At the time of writing this blog I know that many drivers who were ‘time barred’ today feel that they have been dealt a rough hand in view of the fact that crews who arrived at PC4 in say, 5 hours, will receive the same ‘maximum’ time (typically 9 hours) on their time sheets as those who made it to PC4 in 7 hours for example. This has been put to the FIA adjudicators and it may be that tomorrow we receive some good news in that respect. Fingers crossed.

So a good day for all – smiles all round.

News on other local racers: Team Saluki put on an impressive display today and are currently in second place overall. Their highest ever race position. Mabrook guys. Dave Mabbs managed to somehow plant the FJ Cruiser on its nose so heavily that he rearranged every component on the front end of the vehicle yet amazingly, not damage the radiator. So whilst he drove it back to the bivouac, it’s currently undergoing major rhinoplasty. Nurse, more swabs please. Where is John Tan when you need him?

Emile and Patrick in Emile’s hand crafted err, vehicle, managed to pitch pole it onto the roof. No-one was hurt thankfully, but by pulling the vehicle onto its side using an on board winch, they flattened the battery so were unable to winch it onto its wheels. It has now been recovered and is back at base camp. Malcolm and Mark in their “Ansell chassis Dune Raider” had another strong day and are running well. I’ll take credit for that thanks.

Until tomorrow. “Walkies”

It's been a wrrruuuufff day...

Day 1 and Newtrix Racing expanded from two desert bound members to six, two of whom were heroic in their endeavours, two of whom were frustrated racers, and Rick and Cesar were just stuck. This then, is the story of too much heat, too few cylinders, and no volts whatsoever.

Starting in fourth place on Day 1 brought with it the responsibility of working with many of the world’s media, all desperate for an update on Ian’s relationship with Kate Winslet (he doesn’t know her) and Sheila’s with Tiger Woods (she's never met him) before the dandy duo blatted off into the wild yellow yonder in a trail of dust. Fortunately, the organisers had given Sheila some coordinates for yonder, cutting out much of the guess work. Unfortunately, yonder proved to be quite a long way away through nasty sand dunes (in the ‘Desert Challenge’ – who’d have thunk it?) and after just a few kilometres (that’s the equivalent of a few miles for those of you who drive imperially) the first disaster of the day struck when a tyre was ripped from its rim. This tends to happen when the tyres have been deflated in order to maximise grip in the sand dunes, but on a firmer ‘gatch’ track, the load on the tyre’s sidewall means that occasionally it’s pulled sideways off the rim, usually when cornering. A few minutes of slick teamwork had the car jacked up and the tyre reseated, so Ian and Sheila were hot under the flea collar but on their way.

However, their short lived rapid progress was then halted when they got caught in a ‘nasty stuck’. The more experienced off roading readers will know that there are two kinds of stuck. Those from which you are able to remove yourself within 4 minutes through judicious use of forward and reverse gears, and which are referred to as ‘not very stucks’ . Then there are those which require extensive digging, driving, digging, swearing, digging, dehydrating, swearing, digging and praying. Those are referred to as ‘nasty stucks’ and it was one of those which reached out and caught Newtrix by the paws. A long time later, today’s superheros, John ‘Commander’ Mitchell Ross and Steve “Self Loading Freight" Dessurne of the forward Sweep Team stumbled across our tired and emotional couple and towed them free of the sand, for which Ian and Sheila were ‘two cold cans each tonight’ grateful.

Forced to make up for lost time, our intrepid racers sped off into the rolling dunescapes, but after battling against the forces of nature, friction and gravity for a while, the ongoing problem of an overheating engine raised its ugly and thermally challenged head. Now on the Chevrolet LS engine, as fitted to Ian’s Patrol, when its ECU (Engine Crippling Unit) detects the strange odour of over-ripened exhaust headers, there is unfortunately a ‘safety feature’ which switches off four of the engine’s eight cylinders, which is all very well when you are driving on tarmac in your Corvette, but a right royal pain in the rectum when you are climbing the near vertical side of a sand dune in a Nissan Patrol. Consequently Ian was forced repeatedly to stop the car, switch off the engine and wait for it to cool down, before restarting it and driving on again. Having repeated this exercise a half a dozen times, unfortunately the battery became terminally ill. Battery. Terminal. Get it! (Thanks, I’m here every Sunday, the bar closes at midnight.) Bereft of volts, it sparked no more. In fact, this battery wouldn’t woosh if you put 40,000 volts through it. Mind you, they would have come in handy.

So parked at the side of the road and with apparently no way of starting the engine, Ian and Sheila called for help. Quick as a flash, Rick and Cesar sped into action, leapt into their support 4x4, raced off into the desert. And got stuck. You know, one of those nasty stucks you’ve heard about. So whilst Cannon and Ball attempted to dig themselves free, Batman and Robin, in the shape of JMR and Steve, once again came to the rescue of his and her Dogness. One illicit exchange of battery juices later and Newtrix were on their way. Again. So that’s half a dozen cold cans each owed now.

Rick and Cesar eventually freed themselves (with a spot of assistance from some friendly passers by) and drove back to the finish to await the Patrol. But of course, there’s more.

Once again it overheated, once again Ian had to stop, once again it wouldn’t restart and once again, our caped crusaders, Sweep Team One, Messrs Mitchell Ross and Dessurne, swooped in from upon high, gave the Patrol a kick up the jacking points, and off it jolly well dashed. With Ian and Sheila chasing it furiously. Having regained control, they then shot off to the finish where they made it with just five minutes to spare before they’d have been penalised by several hours for not finishing within limit time. So that’s a case of beer each now owed to the soon to be inebriated super heroes.

Tonight the guys are trying to get more air to flow through the radiators by removing the pretty but restrictive grille and replacing it with chicken wire. Yes chicken wire. Air will go through it, but hopefully twigs, stones, camel droppings and small goats will not. Suitable for kids of all ages. Small goats. Kids. (Thanks, I’m here every Sunday, the bar closes at midnight.)

Then they are raising the bonnet by a few millimetres (bits of inches) which will hopefully allow more heat to dissipate. Now there’s a word I don’t use very often. Bonnet.

In other news, Mark Powell and Paul Richards of Team Saluki are in 4th place, Dave Mabbs and Xavier Caminada (Desert FJ) are about 18th I think (no updates currently on the race website) and Malcolm Anderson and Mark Schofield, in a race car built on the chassis of a Range Rover I wrote off 4 years ago(!!), are roughly 15th.

For live updates each day you can follow Newtrix Racing here.

Tomorrow, "Things can only get better".

Go fourth and qualify...

Just so you know, the Newtrix page has been blog-napped. A certain Mr. Tim Ansell, whose decline into notoriety began when he first accepted Ian Barker’s job offer over a pizza in Tehran High Street, has taken over the page for the duration of the Desert Challenge. This is simply because internet connections can be hard to come by in the desert, and since Newtrix does not as yet take its own team of PR luvvies with access to the media centre’s Broadband LAN WAP Bluetooth dongles darling, he (I) will be putting pen to pixel for the benefit of Newtrix Racing, from the comfort of a single malt whisky soaked desk in air conditioned Dubai. Slainté

And it gives me great pleasure on this, my first Faux Dog Blog, to tell you that the Barkers ‘kicked bottom’ this afternoon at the prologue. Having eventually found my way to the derelict, well hidden and un-advertised building site the organisers deemed a fit location to hold the “Super Special” (what’s so special about a heavily camoflauged sand pit?) I and all the competitors were at least suitably impressed with the layout of the stage, which allowed two cars / bikes / quads to run simultaneously on the same ‘circuit’, in a similar manner to many of the WRC’s Super Specials. Since it was over 40 degrees out there and I was stood in the middle of said sand pit with two heavy cameras slung round my neck, I for one was very happy that it meant the duration of the running of the prologue could be considerably reduced.

Where the routes crossed, a large bridge / jump had been built and I’m happy to say that like most competitors, Ian decided that discretion was more important than a sports page lead photo (I rather suspect Sheila may have had some say in this :-) and he took the jump cautiously, with the Patrol’s wheels leaving Mother Earth only briefly. Even so, I’ll bet he still got a flea in his ear for that. (It’s great being able to write Ian’s blog knowing he gets to read it and say “ooh that bugger Ansell….!”) Hee hee.

Anyway, as an (almost) independent witness I can honestly say that Ian did not APPEAR to be driving the stage particularly manically, in his own words, he was simply concentrating on “keeping it tidy” which was not easy given the amount of dust in the air and litter on the ground. But I digress.

He did indeed “keep it tidy” and by doing so, was able to keep his pedal to the proverbial metal, with the result that he finished the stage with the fourth fastest time of all the auto competitors. Oh yes, FOURTH fastest overall. Which means he beat Dave “To hell with the suspension, gearbox, engine and environment, I’m going to cane this thing into oblivion to get a fast finish” Mabbs in his FJ Cruiser, Mark “I’ll take it easy in the prologue thanks, it’s a five day race you know” Powell in the always sexy looking Saluki buggy, Raed “It doesn’t matter if I break it, quite frankly, I can afford to” Baker and a host of other local and international competitors. The Boy’s done well. And so did the Girl. As everyone knows, in rallying it’s co-drivers who do all the work and make the decisions, drivers just claim all the glory. So well done Shelia. Now take your hands off the roll cage please…

There’s a link here to the Special Stage results in case you don’t believe me (having seen some of the stuff I’ve published in the past, I can understand if you don’t believe me) and above, a selection of incredibly good photos taken by a photographer whom Ian will I’m sure go on to describe as “possibly the most important photographer to emerge from Arabian Ranches in the new Millenium”. At least he will if he wants any more free photos from me of the Patrol.


Finally we welcome back to Dubai / Liwa a man who needs no introduction, so he’s not getting one. Rick Carless, Team Newtrix Racing’s Technical Support Manager. Chief Bottle Washer and G.D.B. I mean, would you trust your rally vehicle to a bloke called “Carless”. For heavens sake. Joining Rick is Cesar “Ian I really should be at work in Al Thika you know” Marquez, whom Ian has once again purloined temporarily from the staff at our office. We’ll cope, we always do. THANKS GUYS. And remember, righty tighty, lefty loosey.

Until tomorrow………………………..Woof, I’m outa here!

And keep the damn Patrol running all day tomorrow, no ‘issues’ please folks.

One week to go…

…so it’s manic as usual. Had The Beast out last weekend with the reinforced wings and the new fans, and the Camaro water pump – the original one was leaking. It was running too hot – however, I hadn’t used Water Wetter in the radiator. This is pretty amazing stuff which reduces the water temperature significantly (10c or so) because it improves the transfer of heat from the water to the radiator. And unlike most of the snake-oil remedies – it actually does what it says on the tin (OK- bottle). So why didn’t I use it? Well, because I was pretty sure the rad would have to come out again, and I didn’t want to waste a bottle of the stuff. Then I found that the connection to one of the fans was loose as well, so the jury is still out on whether I have enough cooling. Weather forecast shows a maximum of 38c in Liwa next week, which is damn hot, so I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Gareth at A2B has got The Beast back to sort out a few minor problems, and discovered that the annoying whine from under the hood is the alternator bearings on their way out. So we’ll put a new one in and (when we have time) re-con the old one as a spare – no point in trying to ignore it and hoping for the best.

Arabian Automobiles, the Nissan distributor, has very kindly come to the party with a consignment of expensive spares on sale-or-return. So we’ll have spare front and rear diffs, full set of spare half-shafts, spare front hub – basically everything we broke last year and then some.

Al Thika’s trusty VW Transporter is once again being pressed into service as the support truck, and I’ve replaced a dodgy section of the deck with a shiny new section of ¾” ply. I’ve decided that, for once, it would be nice if we could actually find the tools and parts we need, so I’ve splashed out on a proper tool chest with drawers. Trouble is, I can’t lift it once it’s filled with tools, so we’ll have to load it on the truck and then put the gear in. Once it’s there, it stays there.

Today, we’re in the Gulf News – fame at last! Shame they can’t write for toffee, but that’s PR agencies for you.

According the Abu Dhabi Desert Challenge website, there are 40 cars, 4 trucks and 75 bikes/quads on the entry list this year – but no works teams, which is good for us privateers. We’re number 224 (24th), which reflects our poor showing in the 2009 event, Dave Mabbs is at 204 and Team Saluki are 209. Novitsky in the BMW X3 is top seed, and the only other female competitor in the autos is our old friend Andrea Meyer, co-driving a T4 truck.

Now I need to go and finish refurbishing the support truck...

A New Year's Resolution

I've resolved to get the damn race car back on four wheels. However, six washers have stood between me and accomplishment of this dream since early November.

The washers are for the ARB front diff lock, which is made in Australia. Four of them are hardened conical washers, unique to ARB. Their agents here neither had the parts in stock nor showed any inclination to obtain them, so I contacted a mate in Sydney, Jon Harbour. He duly ordered them from his local ARB dealer (who had to order them from the factory) and two weeks later they were collected by TNT for shipment to Dubai. TNT then promptly lost them.

So I mailed Jon and asked him to repeat the order, and sure enough, two weeks later another set were with him. By that time, his planned visit to Dubai was only a few days away, and rather than give TNT another opportunity to lose them, we decided he should hand-carry them.
Well, you know how it is when you’re going on holiday, you always remember something that you should have packed, just after the plane takes off. In this case, it was the bag of washers, which were left sitting on his hall table in Sydney. They sat there undisturbed as Christmas came and went and the New Year was celebrated, until finally Jon bade his farewells to Dubai. By 7th January, the washers were once again on the move and, miracle of miracles, TNT delivered them in record time.

So now the front axle is being re-assembled by Rick at Carwise, and I should be able to get the car back at any moment. Friday is taken up with the Gulf New Fun Drive, for which we are Rear Sweep, but maybe Saturday we can take the Beast out for a blat.

The Saudi Hail Baja 2010 looms ever closer. Once again the Saudis have refused to allow Sheila to compete, so Ian Rodgers will fill the co-pilot’s seat for this event. Ian navigated for Ramesh Pereira in his ill-fated Patrol, which burnt to a crisp during the 2009 DC. Our two-day road-trip (a.k.a. ‘The Highway to Hail’) starts on 13th February.

Meanwhile, I’m still trying to sell my old T2 Patrol which came 2nd in class at the 2009 Hail Baja. I have a customer who plans to compete in it at Hail, but as yet no actual money – and the clock is ticking. Watch this space.