Sunday, April 2, 2017

Some like it hot. And muddy.

Lights, camera, "Action"
It's that time of year again, when all hell breaks loose in The Empty Quarter, Ian and Sheila go off in search of glory, Rick and Kate go off in search of paradise, Jason goes in search of his birthday presents but ends up in the desert anyway, and Phil asks himself what the hell he was thinking. Yes, it's DC time! Nothing to do with David Coulthard, other than a bit of stubble and a crash helmet, it's the other DC, you know the one - "Damaged Car". But I'm getting ahead of myself, which, given how slow I am, is not very difficult.

The Beast's behind.
Yes 'tis I, the Phantom of the Blogger, soon to be the subject of a terminally dull musical by Andrew Webbed Feet and starring Sarah Brightspark for no other reason than she's ever present in his worst musicals. i.e. all of them. She'll be wearing half a mask, which is a shame because it's Mr. Webbed Feet who should probably wear the mask. But anyway, I digest.

Those of you who were expecting me yesterday probably forgot to reset your clocks last weekend. Either that or I must apologise; "If there weren't no bloggin', it's 'cos I couldn't log in". For some reason (probably my age and decrepit brain cells weakened due to excessive consumption of Cabernet Shiraz grapes as a food source. I thought "5 a day" was a glasses of wine requirement) I was unable to access Mr. Barker's secret code and sign into the blog, so I swore. Today however, using, I swear, the exact same passwords, "I got in". Hurrah - no more swearing.

"No wheels!". Give me wings....
"Prologues" I hear you say and yes, there was one. Now for the purposes of this post, I'm going to pretend that today was yesterday, so here is 'today's' report from the prologue........."Not as muddy as last year, otherwise exactly the same". i.e. rather like 2015's, but a lot less dusty. The cars went round and round, the bikes went round and round, local hero AND 2017 DAKAR WINNER Sam Sunderland won the prologue in front of an adoring home crowd (at least three of his mates were there) Nasser Al Attiyeh did as Nasser always does and won the prologue in the Autos, and Ian and Sheila sauntered round in a sauntery fashion, which is like Primark fashion but MUCH more expensive - because racing cars cost more than racy cardigans. Do Primark even sell racy cardigans? Sexy sweaters? Pullover Provocateurs? Maybe not. But anyway, I divest.

Muddy car, jet wash, generator.
Just add water. 250 litres of water.
A veritable plethora of horsepower and automotive engineering was on hand to support In'she'la including a Patrol, a Raptor, a three tonne truck and a sexy six tonne truck. The Patrol is Ian's, the Raptor is Ian's, the three tonner is Ian's (OK it's Al Thika's) and the sexy six tonner complete with 250 litre water tank, is Tim's Travel Truck, and it rocks. Doubling up as a temporary fire engine, Tim brought his mobile water supply so the Beast could have a wash after the race. So once Ian was clean, Rick then used the jet wash and cleaned the race truck too. Much mud was removed and then we walked in looking like dynamite with our Tiger Feet. Sorry - too much Mud? The Sweet were better anyway.

Georgy Gomshiashvili (who wins today's blog award for the most difficult name to spell correctly first time) who races in the EDC with his Saluki built buggy, was so impressed by the team's car wash facility that he asked if he could bring his along too. For a moment the Newtrix team were hesitant but then Georgy said the magic word - "Beer" - and was immediately welcomed with open arms.

Ian and Sheila finished the prologue in 24th place, making a mockery of their 25th place seeding. Mind you with the rain we've been having lately, most seeds are doing better than expected this season. Tomorrow is another day (no it's not, see the 4th paragraph) and it's off to the desert we go. Tonight (last night) however there will be much quenching of thirsts. Damn it was hot out there (yes(today).

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