Living slightly over the edge

...staring into the abyss.

Got the car back last night, and spent till 1.00am doing stuff, like improving the jack mount and making the steering wheel point straight ahead when the wheels do. But the serpentine belt (which drives pretty much everything) was knackered so the first job this morning was to find a six-rib belt 2020mm long, how hard can that be? Well, it took all morning but eventually I returned triumphant to fit the belt and finally take the car out for a blat (oops, I mean shakedown). This was around 2.00pm.

All started well. The water temperature, even in some tricky 2nd-gear dunes, was getting only up to 85c and everything felt good. Then the 16" fan stopped working and the temp started to rise. I nursed it back out of the dunes and onto a gatch track - when suddenly the rear end made a very unhealthy noise and I ground to a halt. (That was the car's rear end, by the way, not mine. Just thought I should make that clear.) After some phone calls to Gareth, I decided to remove the rear prop shaft (in the middle of a sandstorm) and see if that made any difference, which it didn't. 'It's the diff', says Gareth. Anyway, to cut a very long story short, Gareth and Katrina dragged my trailer out into the desert behind his F150 and, after a few dramas, stucks, and a shredded trailer tyre, got the Patrol back to the blacktop where it was picked up by a recovery truck about 8.00pm this evening.

So now we only have to:
- sort out the diff
- sort out the fan
- make various lights and the firex system work
- weld a 24mm 1/2" drive socket onto the nut which holds the jack down (to create my patented quick-release mechanism, using the rattle-gun)
- apply all the stickers (did I mention they arrived - and half of them were wrong? Don't ask..)
- get the carnet from ATC and the police permission for the car to go to Saudi
- pay Saeed for the transport
- change the wheels and tyres
- fix a leaking spare tyre
- fix the new air tank valve which leaks
- and shakedown the finished product? Yeah, right...in my dreams.

By my calculations we (i.e. mainly Gareth) have about 40 hours to achieve these miracles. So no pressure, then.

On the plus side, Mark and Fadi have given up the unequal struggle with Saudi beaurocracy to get visas, and will now concentrate on the DC. So that's two cars we won't be behind in Hail.

The other day, I put out a call to Al Thika Packaging's service engineers, asking if anyone was interested in joining us for the DC adventure. This involves long hours of boredom whilst camping in the desert, interspersed with periods of panic-stricken activity which can go on all night, whilst being sand-blasted and periodically deafened by the testing of other competitors' vehicles. So far only one engineer has decided that he's sufficiently desperate to escape from fixing packaging machines for a week to volunteer. So - welcome to the crew, Fred Santiago! Fred normally services our customers' machines in Oman, and clearly has no idea whatsoever what he's let himself in for. Maybe I should keep it that way...

Stay tuned for the next nail-biting instalment of 'The Race to Hail'.

Going to Car-O-Liner in my mind

It’s taken a while to get round to an update. Unfortunately, my ghost-writing colleague was so completely worn-out and knackered by his narrative efforts that he had to immediately rush off on holiday to India as soon as I got back from the DC. This left me, worn-out and knackered as I am from our rallying, to do some actual work in the office. Sadly, this has taken priority over blogging.

Anyway… 2nd April saw me heading back to White Sands Grocery with the trailer on tow, while Streaky and Dave Pryce headed out from Pryce Mansion in the leafy suburbs of Abu Dhabi. In accordance with my cunning plan, they reached the dead Patrol a lot earlier than me, and did all the donkey work. They winched the truck out of the hole, winched the steering rod into some semblance of straightness and (surprisingly) drove it back to the gatch track, where I only had to load it on the trailer. Job done, and many thanks to the two of them.

Back in Dubai, we realized that we had an impressive list of mechanical jobs to do. Front hub bolts to be drilled out and replaced, gearbox to be removed (sounds like a ton of sand in the clutch), front axle to be straightened, further work on the cooling and so on. And on. But before we get to that, we need to rectify the damage, which turned out to be much more than superficial. With the wings off, we could see that the chassis was bent, so I contacted Mr Sacco Dermoussissian at Polimar. Polimar have the Car-o-Liner, a piece of Swedish magic which makes a 3D map of the damaged chassis and compares it to the record in its 10,000-plus car database of what the chassis should look like. Each of the 60 datum points should be within 3mm of the original, and the data shows exactly what has to be pulled, pushed or massaged to achieve factory-perfect alignment.

So now we have a competition. Using your skill, judgement and the above photos, guess the maximum misalignment of the chassis in any direction. All I can tell you is that the left hand chassis rail is bent up, and both are bent to the right, and anything in excess of 9mm is sufficient to fail registration at Dubai Police (who also have a Car-o-Liner). The nearest guess wins a passenger ride in the Beast once it’s back in one piece!

It's been a wrrruuuufff day...

Day 1 and Newtrix Racing expanded from two desert bound members to six, two of whom were heroic in their endeavours, two of whom were frustrated racers, and Rick and Cesar were just stuck. This then, is the story of too much heat, too few cylinders, and no volts whatsoever.

Starting in fourth place on Day 1 brought with it the responsibility of working with many of the world’s media, all desperate for an update on Ian’s relationship with Kate Winslet (he doesn’t know her) and Sheila’s with Tiger Woods (she's never met him) before the dandy duo blatted off into the wild yellow yonder in a trail of dust. Fortunately, the organisers had given Sheila some coordinates for yonder, cutting out much of the guess work. Unfortunately, yonder proved to be quite a long way away through nasty sand dunes (in the ‘Desert Challenge’ – who’d have thunk it?) and after just a few kilometres (that’s the equivalent of a few miles for those of you who drive imperially) the first disaster of the day struck when a tyre was ripped from its rim. This tends to happen when the tyres have been deflated in order to maximise grip in the sand dunes, but on a firmer ‘gatch’ track, the load on the tyre’s sidewall means that occasionally it’s pulled sideways off the rim, usually when cornering. A few minutes of slick teamwork had the car jacked up and the tyre reseated, so Ian and Sheila were hot under the flea collar but on their way.

However, their short lived rapid progress was then halted when they got caught in a ‘nasty stuck’. The more experienced off roading readers will know that there are two kinds of stuck. Those from which you are able to remove yourself within 4 minutes through judicious use of forward and reverse gears, and which are referred to as ‘not very stucks’ . Then there are those which require extensive digging, driving, digging, swearing, digging, dehydrating, swearing, digging and praying. Those are referred to as ‘nasty stucks’ and it was one of those which reached out and caught Newtrix by the paws. A long time later, today’s superheros, John ‘Commander’ Mitchell Ross and Steve “Self Loading Freight" Dessurne of the forward Sweep Team stumbled across our tired and emotional couple and towed them free of the sand, for which Ian and Sheila were ‘two cold cans each tonight’ grateful.

Forced to make up for lost time, our intrepid racers sped off into the rolling dunescapes, but after battling against the forces of nature, friction and gravity for a while, the ongoing problem of an overheating engine raised its ugly and thermally challenged head. Now on the Chevrolet LS engine, as fitted to Ian’s Patrol, when its ECU (Engine Crippling Unit) detects the strange odour of over-ripened exhaust headers, there is unfortunately a ‘safety feature’ which switches off four of the engine’s eight cylinders, which is all very well when you are driving on tarmac in your Corvette, but a right royal pain in the rectum when you are climbing the near vertical side of a sand dune in a Nissan Patrol. Consequently Ian was forced repeatedly to stop the car, switch off the engine and wait for it to cool down, before restarting it and driving on again. Having repeated this exercise a half a dozen times, unfortunately the battery became terminally ill. Battery. Terminal. Get it! (Thanks, I’m here every Sunday, the bar closes at midnight.) Bereft of volts, it sparked no more. In fact, this battery wouldn’t woosh if you put 40,000 volts through it. Mind you, they would have come in handy.

So parked at the side of the road and with apparently no way of starting the engine, Ian and Sheila called for help. Quick as a flash, Rick and Cesar sped into action, leapt into their support 4x4, raced off into the desert. And got stuck. You know, one of those nasty stucks you’ve heard about. So whilst Cannon and Ball attempted to dig themselves free, Batman and Robin, in the shape of JMR and Steve, once again came to the rescue of his and her Dogness. One illicit exchange of battery juices later and Newtrix were on their way. Again. So that’s half a dozen cold cans each owed now.

Rick and Cesar eventually freed themselves (with a spot of assistance from some friendly passers by) and drove back to the finish to await the Patrol. But of course, there’s more.

Once again it overheated, once again Ian had to stop, once again it wouldn’t restart and once again, our caped crusaders, Sweep Team One, Messrs Mitchell Ross and Dessurne, swooped in from upon high, gave the Patrol a kick up the jacking points, and off it jolly well dashed. With Ian and Sheila chasing it furiously. Having regained control, they then shot off to the finish where they made it with just five minutes to spare before they’d have been penalised by several hours for not finishing within limit time. So that’s a case of beer each now owed to the soon to be inebriated super heroes.

Tonight the guys are trying to get more air to flow through the radiators by removing the pretty but restrictive grille and replacing it with chicken wire. Yes chicken wire. Air will go through it, but hopefully twigs, stones, camel droppings and small goats will not. Suitable for kids of all ages. Small goats. Kids. (Thanks, I’m here every Sunday, the bar closes at midnight.)

Then they are raising the bonnet by a few millimetres (bits of inches) which will hopefully allow more heat to dissipate. Now there’s a word I don’t use very often. Bonnet.

In other news, Mark Powell and Paul Richards of Team Saluki are in 4th place, Dave Mabbs and Xavier Caminada (Desert FJ) are about 18th I think (no updates currently on the race website) and Malcolm Anderson and Mark Schofield, in a race car built on the chassis of a Range Rover I wrote off 4 years ago(!!), are roughly 15th.

For live updates each day you can follow Newtrix Racing here.

Tomorrow, "Things can only get better".