Half shafted with no strap on

Our sharp eyed readers may have problems scratching their contact lenses. They might also have noticed in yesterday's update that there was in fact, no update yesterday. Well done. There was a technical reason for this - I went out last night and got back late and in the meantime managed to miss Ian's evening phone call, the one in which he would have told me about Day 2 in the dunes. So there you have it - even Phantom Bloggers have nights off..

Excellent photo stolen from Craig McAteer. Don't tell him.

So this morning I made a call to Newtrix Racing's Technical Director. Some say that the reflections from his head are visible in space. Or that his hand crocheted parachutes are a thing of great beauty - and an even greater insurance risk. We just know he's - "The Rick". The Rick informed me that Day 2 went, not so much from bad to worse, more from broken to buggered. Yesterday's mechanical casualties included a half shaft, two drag links and a suspension restraining strap. For the non technically minded, I shall attempt to explain the function of these items.


A half shaft is like a shaft, but shorter. About 50% shorter. Trouble is, our half shaft suffered a further sub-division and ended up as two 1/4 shafts. And anyone whose ever suffered a quarter shaft will understand how much such a thing would slow you down in the desert. So imagine having two of them hanging off your diff. Exactly.

A Half Shaft. Completely shafted.

Drag links have proven very popular in some of the camper parts of Scotland, where golf, particularly golf involving the wearing of one silk glove and ridiculous clothing (so that's ALL golf then?) is involved. Basically it's a course close to the sea, on which women are not allowed to play, so the men mince around offering to 'play a round in a foursome". All seems rather unseemly to me, but I guess it gets lonely on a cold winter's night in Dundee.

And a restraining strap is an S&M device. (Sadism & Masochism / Suspension and Movement - you pays your money and you takes your choice) One is used to stop your rear axle from dangling too far, whilst the other is. Well it's. Sort of the opposite really. So I hope that's cleared up all those confusing oily bit explanations. Good.

Consequently Mr & Mrs. B only made it around about half of yesterday's route, before calling it a day and taking up stamp collecting ("Have you seen any PCs philately?"). Having driven back to the bivvy with only three half shafts and without a strap on, they retired to the bar and told Rick and Richard to "get on with fixing it you oiks". Which is a bit rude and entirely untrue. So Rick and Richard beavered away, whilst Kate badgered the canteen staff and Jason made sure everything was properly secured with the budgie cords. By 1am their work was complete, so they dragged Ian and Sheila out of the bar, made them some hot chocolate (could happen - I believe in miracles) and everybody had a nap.

This morning they got up, Sheila had a shower, Ian had a shave, and thankfully Rick, Jason, Richard and Kate left early.  Then the Dogs hit the dunes, the pedal hit the metal, there was dust everywhere, much excitement, occasional rude words, more stamps were collected, competitors were hunted down and taunted, water was drunk, there were more rude words, brows were furrowed, Rick was confused, Richard fixed a fire engine, Kate coloured in two more Unicorns, and Jason wondered what the hell he was doing here.

And that ladies and gentlemen, was our famous TV interviewer called Robin, in a kernel. (Our Day in a nut shell.)

 Ian and Sheila will start Day 4 in 30th position.

Good news, bad news

Oh dear, how fickle are the media! One day you're the Next Big Thing, the next you're history. Despite the best efforts of the lovely Rebekka, my friend at GTV, her head office didn't green-light the plan - so the documentary is off. But we did get a few column-inches in 'Sport 360', with the promise of more to come in 'Adventure' magazine.

TNT have managed to let me down totally with shipping the drag-link, which languished in Oz for a week after they collected it, and is now due in Dubai on Sunday - the day we start the rally. So if anyone knows someone coming down to the bivvy, maybe we can find a way for it to catch up with us. At least I have a spare standard one in my sale-or-return kit, courtesy of Arabian Automobiles (Nissan distributor).

Today we completed documentation and took posession of the new improved ERTF GPS with integral Sentinel function, and its asssociated new cables and accessories. Only after plumbing in all the new cables did we discover that the French had cunningly provided a male connector on the new red button, to connect with the new male connector on the power cable. Now, call us old fashioned, but here at NewTrix Racing we don't hold with male-to-male connectivity, so Rick cut off their appendages (yes, sliced them through!) and used a bit of choc-bloc instead. So all is sorted, although the GPS may never be able to have children now.

This afternoon we shall do the stickers, and take the Beast up the road to calibrate the tripmeter. (Actually, that's just an excuse for a blat.)

The rally route, unsurprisingly, is very similar to last year's, and the prologue is once again on that uninspiring piece of reclaimed land beside Marina Mall in Abu Dhabi, garnished with building rubble and broken bits of rebar. Oh joy.

More soon.