And so begins the task..

42mm, Mr Goat? Nowhere near.
62mm, David? Getting better..
130mm, Ian? Very close, but since I told you the answer it doesn't qualify as a guess. (And anyway, you've had a ride in the Beast already!)

The worst dimension is 132mm, just over 5" in old money. This is the vertical outage on the front left chassis rail. If you combine this with 65mm lateral outage and 23mm longitudinal outage, it's actually 149mm away from where it should be!
So, since I don't allow anonymous people in my car, I pronounce David the winner. Now, if only I knew which David that was...but don't worry, I have plenty of time to find out - the car won't be doing passsenger rides any time soon!

Polimar have confirmed that they can re-align the chassis to 'factory spec' and repair the bodywork, but they need the engine out first. So the Beast is back at A2B, where they will pull out the engine and gearbox complete. (The gears were becoming increasingly hard to engage as the DC progressed, so we need to find out what's going on inside the bell-housing anyway.) Once that's done, I can trailer it back to Polimar for them to work their magic. Then it will be back to A2B for a long list of mechanical jobs.

I've ended up with almost 10 hours of high-quality in-car video from the DC. Now I need to view it all and find the interesting bits, and hopefully have it edited into something watchable!

Going to Car-O-Liner in my mind

It’s taken a while to get round to an update. Unfortunately, my ghost-writing colleague was so completely worn-out and knackered by his narrative efforts that he had to immediately rush off on holiday to India as soon as I got back from the DC. This left me, worn-out and knackered as I am from our rallying, to do some actual work in the office. Sadly, this has taken priority over blogging.

Anyway… 2nd April saw me heading back to White Sands Grocery with the trailer on tow, while Streaky and Dave Pryce headed out from Pryce Mansion in the leafy suburbs of Abu Dhabi. In accordance with my cunning plan, they reached the dead Patrol a lot earlier than me, and did all the donkey work. They winched the truck out of the hole, winched the steering rod into some semblance of straightness and (surprisingly) drove it back to the gatch track, where I only had to load it on the trailer. Job done, and many thanks to the two of them.

Back in Dubai, we realized that we had an impressive list of mechanical jobs to do. Front hub bolts to be drilled out and replaced, gearbox to be removed (sounds like a ton of sand in the clutch), front axle to be straightened, further work on the cooling and so on. And on. But before we get to that, we need to rectify the damage, which turned out to be much more than superficial. With the wings off, we could see that the chassis was bent, so I contacted Mr Sacco Dermoussissian at Polimar. Polimar have the Car-o-Liner, a piece of Swedish magic which makes a 3D map of the damaged chassis and compares it to the record in its 10,000-plus car database of what the chassis should look like. Each of the 60 datum points should be within 3mm of the original, and the data shows exactly what has to be pulled, pushed or massaged to achieve factory-perfect alignment.

So now we have a competition. Using your skill, judgement and the above photos, guess the maximum misalignment of the chassis in any direction. All I can tell you is that the left hand chassis rail is bent up, and both are bent to the right, and anything in excess of 9mm is sufficient to fail registration at Dubai Police (who also have a Car-o-Liner). The nearest guess wins a passenger ride in the Beast once it’s back in one piece!

It ain't over yet!

Well, first I must congratulate my ghost-writing friend Mr Ansell for his enormously creative and entertaining account of each days events, generally based on our five-minute phone call at the end of each day. All you have read is true - only the facts have been altered to make it more interesting.

The Beast is still in the desert, somewhere out near White Sands Grocery. (I won't give the exact location in case someone gets there before us and nicks it, although they'll have a tough job moving it!) So what needs doing? The tie-bar is so completely bent that moving the steering wheel only bends it more, without moving the wheels, so we need a big lump hammer to break the taper joints before we can replace it. The front LH wheel is off the rim, not a major problem. One of the main engine oil pipes is crushed against the clutch master cylinder, but not leaking - so we need to fix that before we run the engine, to avoid oil starvation. The engine runs but the throttle is sticking. The whole of the front LH area is stoved in, bonnet/wing/lights etc well knackered. Whether there is anough clearance for the front LH wheel to turn, we will only find out once the field repairs are accomplished. Oh, and we're down to three out of six bolts holding the RH hub in place - if they go, we're down the 2WD. The rest have sheared off one by one over the last 2 days.

The good news (yes, there is some!) is that despite all the penalties we got for yesterday's misadventure - about 18 hours by my reckoning - we managed a 10th place finish and have the trophies to prove it! Fadi Melky and Mario Mitri got the 6th place we were hoping for, along with the 3rd-in-Gulf prize, which would have been ours as well if the dice had rolled the other way. I'd set a top-ten finish as my aim, so I should be happy with that - but it's hard when it could have been so much better.

I now realise that we have the speed and the suspension to take on the best in the world - works teams excepted! We pulled 170kph (GPS reading) on the gatch track at the start of Day 5, and climbing through the dunes no-one could catch us. When we crashed out, we had only Novitsky (top seed and eventual winner in the BMW X3) ahead of us, having passed everyone else. With a bit more work on the cooling, we'll be set for next season.

Major thanks are due to Rick Carless and Cesar Marquez, our untiring service crew who battled (and bodged!) for 5 days to keep us running - without their hard work and late nights we'd never have made it. Words cannot express our gratitude, they are the real stars of the team.

Anyway, I have to go - there's a Beast in the desert that needs my help.

BUGGER!!

For once I’m afraid the witty comments and music hall gags escape me. Today started out full of promise, with Ian and Sheila lying in 6th place overall and 3rd in the T1 category. And as they set off on this, the last day of the 2010 Desert Challenge, they stormed through the field, soon dispatching one competitor after another on the early stage gatch track and dunes.

Eventually they caught up with friends Fadi and Mario in the “Strange Rover” and knowing Fadi is an excellent dune driver, Ian decided wisely to protect his race position and simply follow Fadi through the rough patches of desert.

Unfortunately, at some point, Ian drifted just a few feet to the side of Fadi’s own route. Maybe the width of a car or two but not more, yet in the desert, at race speeds, these things can make a huge difference. Fadi crossed a dune crest perfectly safely yet as the front of Ian and Sheila’s vehicle broke over the top just to the right of Fadi’s line, it slammed into rising terrain on the other side with such force that it broke the front suspension. With the vehicle crippled, the heart-broken pair knew their race was over. They were just 100kms from the finish of a 2,500 kilometre race and, having started later than Fadi, were incredibly, running in second place on the stage. Only the works BMW driven by a professional race driver was faster.

To add insult to injury, just a few minutes later one of the Abu Dhabi based Fitech cars came over the same dune, smacked into the back of Ian’s Patrol and incredibly, then drove off without stopping to see if anyone had been hurt or what damage had been done. So, to the French driver of the offending car, I take great pleasure in reminding you that if it wasn’t for Britain you’d be called Fritz, speaking German and eating sauerkraut right now. Ever heard of Trafalgar? Remember Agincourt? We whipped your boys there too. So we happily raise two fingers at you, in the traditional English archers salute. Read ‘em and weep.

Anyway, moving on…..

Ian and Sheila traveled back in a support car to the Yas Marina circuit for the race finish, then Ian and Rick returned to the race car to try, without success tonight, to recover it from the desert. Our good friend Streaky is currently driving a borrowed monstrous Ford F350 truck which is probably the most suitably equipped rig in the area to drag the Patrol to the side of the road, so tomorrow he’s offered to help recover it. Rick must hot foot it back to Dubai tonight because he’s on a plane home to Manchester about now – thanks Rick for your sterling support. What are you doing about this time next year mate?

Also thanks to Cesar who ably assisted Rick, Ian and Sheila. Sorry Cesar but it’s back to reality on Sunday – we’ve got an installation for you at Dubai Investment Park.

Aaaah. There’s always next year……………….!

Fadi went on to finish second on the stage I believe and second highest placed gulf team. A prize that might well have been Ian and Sheila’s but for lady ‘luck’.

Malcolm Anderson and Mark Schofield finished just outside the top 10 but Malcolm drove incredibly well today, covering over 100 kilometres in a 20 year old Range Rover with a broken diff and consequently without front wheel drive. Well done mate!

Sorry but as yet the official results are not on the race website so I can’t be sure how Team FJ got on.

Congratulations too to my friend, bike rider James West. After shattering his leg in last year’s race then suffering all sorts of complications with the recovery, James rode the race of his life this week and finished second overall, giving KTM bikes a 1-2 finish with Marc Coma taking the victory. A works ride for James can’t be that far away surely…….are you listening KTM???

Right, I’m so exhausted I’m now taking two weeks holiday to travel around India. Assuming I’m not eaten by tigers in Ranthambhore, in the words of Arnie. “I’ll be back”. Do you think I'll spot any cheese eating surrender monkeys while I'm there? Je ne sais pas.

Meanwhile ‘normal service will be resumed’ with Ian’s first post race post (ooh, I like that, first post race post. Sounds good) in the next 72 hours I’d imagine, when he and Sheila have slept off their exhaustion.

WELL DONE to the pair of you.

Patrol holes and a Saluki at the vet's....

Sorry folks but it’s going to be a quick update tonight because I’ve just got in late from Abu Dhabi and I’m dog tired. I’ll try to add more information tomorrow.
Ian and Sheila started the day in 5th overall and were running well until somewhere between PC3 and PC4. Driving on white sand at around mid-day when the sun’s overhead and there are no shadows to define the terrain, Ian came over a crest only to drop the vehicle into what he described as a “perfect Patrol sized hole”. With the front of the car pointing skywards over the next crest but the back doors jammed on the sand behind, it took them 10 minutes just to dig behind the back doors enough to open them to get the sand ladders and shovel out.

Fortunately they had just passed some spectators who turned out to be of the friendly, helpful variety, who drove over and gave Ian and Sheila a helping hand to extract the car. Delayed for a while and with the tyres now down at around 12psi, they then sped off. Ian was thinking to himself “I must stop and reinflate the tyres or I’ll pop one off the rim" but then when he was caught by a couple of other cars and dueling with them in the dunes, guess what? Yep, the tyre popped off. So at that point, after changing one, he thought it best to air up again.....

Eventually they crossed the line in just over six and a half hours and in 6th place. Our friend Fadi Melky finished in in third in 6 hours and 6 minutes. See, I told you yesterday he wouldn’t give up easily! Newtrix will start tomorrow, the final day of the rally, from a position of 6th overall, and 3rd in T1 class.

Other local team news

A bad day for Team Saluki. Running in second place on the day, Mark and Paul were again flying through the stage, but today took that concept just a little too literally. They were still at full throttle when they reached a steep drop off which neither crew member noticed in time. The car dropped onto its nose, very hard and at high speed, then rolled and ended up on its side. Mark and Paul were medivaced to Madinat Zayed Hospital for precautionary checks but I’m pleased to say suffered only cuts and bruises. I asked Mark how he was and he said “I’m fine but the car’s………..”. Well actually, on second thoughts, I won’t tell you what he said. There might be children reading!

Fadi & Mario – had a great day, third place on the stage today, good job guys.

Malcolm and Mark; I heard they’d broken a differential but still they finished 10th overall on the day. That old Rangie seems to be hanging in there.

David & Xavier. Haven’t spoken to them but they finished with several hours penalties so I guess didn’t reach all the PCs.

Fingers crossed that everyone gets to the finish line safely tomorrow.

Right, I’ll take a bow now. Or is that a bow wow? Maybe a dognap?

Tracks, tracking and track rods

STOP PRESS

As of 11.45pm local UAE time the official race website results show Ian and Sheila placed FIFTH overall in the Abu Dhabi Desert Challenge 2010 and SECOND in the T1, modified 4x4 category. And since this is the first event of the 2010 Cross Country World Cup, that means that an 'old dog' and his young friend are currently, officially, the second best specialist 4x4 drivers in the world. So no pressure tomorrow then.

The trouble with having live tracking of the race on your PC is that it’s difficult to get any work done. When I checked at around mid-day today Ian and Sheila were FLYING round the stage – they were in third place for well over two hours, which was exciting, so I kept checking. Then the signal from the car disappeared! I thought the worst, even thinking at one point that if they were upside down, the GPS aerial would be covered and that this might be the problem. I rang Rick and he hadn’t seen them pass, and I started to worry. So I checked more and more often, despite being rudely interrupted by customers and staff on more than one occasion. Have they no sense of priority!

Eventually the satellite tracking showed me that Newtrix were in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, which I must admit surprised me, and I calculated that they’d been traveling at approximately 2,000 kilometres per hour. Or Mach 1.5. Now that’s impressive. I was concerned that at those speeds Ian might have had the usual engine problems but apparently not – 15 minutes later I checked back in and they’d returned to Liwa. Given that most of the competitors covered just 380 kms today whilst Ian and Sheila appear to have covered close to four thousand, I think they’ve earned a drink. God only knows when they stopped to refuel. I’ll have another word with Sheila about calibrating the trip meter more carefully though. To be honest, she really should have noticed that degree of error.

Anyway once normal tracking service had been resumed, it seemed clear to me that something was afoot. It turned out to be the fleshy, toey thing on the end of my leg. Not only that, but Ian had slowed down. And that’s not an expression with which I’m particularly familiar. By now Team Saluki and a couple of the other front runners had clearly retired for the day so I knew if their Dognesses could cross the finish line, they’d be in a good position for tomorrow’s race.

Another call to Rick confirmed my fears, they’d see the race car go past but a bent tie rod meant that the front wheels were pointing in different directions, causing major drag on Ian’s strength, to keep it moving straight ahead, on the power steering pump, the tyre walls and almost certainly, Ian’s patience. He drove the last three hours of the race like this, finishing after a grueling seven and a half hours behind the wheel, and tells me he’s unlikely to go to the gym tonight. No need really.

And here’s another wonderful benefit of satellite tracking. Early in the day Rick called me to say “are you near a computer, can you tell me where they are? Bear in mind that Rick was at the time located around 600kms from my office and staring at a fairly large sand pit in which he was trying to observe a single car. Silly Boy. A quick check on the system told me that Ian and Sheila had passed the point where Rick was stood about an hour earlier. Upon relaying this information Rick was heard to say “Christ, I’d better go or we’ll never catch them back up” and since he was driving a similar car to Ian’s but on flat tarmac, that gives you some idea how fast Ian was driving.

Ian told me this evening that Sheila has now definitely got the hang of cutting corners at waypoints. By turning at the moment the GPS picks up a waypoint signal and tells the co-driver it's been 'collected', which is typically around 250m before reaching the exact point itself, Sheila is able to give Ian advanced notice of 'short cuts' which means not having to slow down, taking wider turns much faster. This can add up to several minutes saved by the end of the day. "Way to go Sheila" Of course she had a good tutor. Modesty forbids me from mentioning his full name. Tim something or other.

The photos above, of Ian and Sheila racing on Day 1 (note - no chicken wire grille)were kindly supplied by The Right Honourable Mr. Craig McAteer, who writes and takes photos for a Dubai based rally team named after a dog. Hang on a minute.......Deja Vu all over again.

Other local team news:

Desert FJ never started the day – they damaged the front diff in yesterday’s heavy landing (a.k.a. ‘crash’) and since they drive the only FJ Cruiser in the country fitted with a manual gearbox, the available diffs are the wrong spec so they drove to the start line, turned round and came back. Failing to start would mean exclusion from the race. They incur maximum penalties this way but can still race tomorrow if they succeed in repairing the car

Team Saluki were on a mission in the morning, driving even faster than Newtrix (only just). But 3kms after the service point the steering pump pulley shattered, leaving them with no way of running the water pump or alternator. Having no cooling and no battery is a bad situation to be in, so they made the smart decision to return to the service point, then to the bivouac on tarmac, thus avoiding getting stuck in the desert. Smart move, no matter how galling it is to pull out of the race day halfway through

Fadi Melki is apparently still struggling through the desert as I write this. I don’t know what the problem is but Fadi is not the sort to ever give up (frankly, no-one who races in the desert would last long if they gave up easily) so I’m sure he’ll be back tomorrow.

Malcolm and Mark’s “Ansell Chassis Racer” completed the stage in a grueling NINE hours. I know from personal experience how hard it is to keep up the momentum driving an old Classic Rangie in the desert and I don’t doubt that they’ll be shattered. But they made it – a creditable achievement on such a grueling stage.

Emile and Patrick pulled out of the day’s stage at PC2 with mechanical problems and I had a call from Patrick, whom I “taught the DC ropes” to along with Sheila and Mark, asking for my advice about race regulations as they drove back.

Isn’t technology wonderful – enjoying satellite tracking and offering regulations advice whilst 600 kms from the race in air conditioned comfort. And I get to have a proper shower and sleep in my own bed. THIS is the way to do the Desert Challenge!

Woooooooooooff, I’m outta here

Dune Roamin'

Having spoken to Ian a few minutes ago, I’m happy to say that he’s in MUCH better spirits than he was yesterday. The modifications to the bonnet (there’s that word again) combined with the goat deflecting chicken wire (no animals were hurt in the making of today’s rally stage) have helped reduce the engine bay temperature, leading to far fewer occasions when the ECU picked up the ball, cut out 4 cylinders and refused to play.

Unfortunately on one of the few occasions when it DID decide to pack up, even though the car was on level ground at the time, Ian described the sand there as being “as soft as silt”. At least, I think that’s what he said - there was a bit of a crackle on the line at the time. Consequently the car immediately sank into the ‘soft silt’, necessitating the use of sand ladders under the front wheels, and a further reduction in tyre pressures. This cost Ian and Sheila 5 to 10 minutes delay but Ian felt the car drove a lot better from then on thanks to the lower pressures, so they soon made up the lost time, and then some.

Sheila unfortunately was feeling a bit under the weather for much of the first half of the day. Speaking from personal experience I know that the particular dunes they were driving early on had a strange effect on my stomach too when I was co-driving. There must be something about the pitch of the dunes in that section because it was from the same area that I was airlifted out in 2006 due to dehydration as a result of constant vomiting. Sorry but that’s the glamorous life of a co-driver for you. Sheila too ‘fed the fish’ a few times today but being a great trooper (as opposed to a State Trooper – different hats) she Percy Veered. No giving up and taking a helicopter ride for her, oh no. I shall never be able to look her in the eye again. I out wimped her.

At one point Ian stopped the car next to long time friend and off roading companion Alan Passmore in one of the Sweep cars, hoping that he might have a medic on board. You’d have thought that with his wife in the car feeling unwell, Ian would be able to resist chatting up the nurses for just ONE morning, but apparently not! Unfortunately there was no pretty nurse on board, but John Tan, bless his little cotton socks, was carrying some travel sickness tablets (he’d obviously traveled with Alan before) and he was able to administer life saving medication to Sheila. Rumours that John was in fact wearing a nurse’s uniform at the time remain unconfirmed at this juncture. That’ll be Dh 500 then John - Thanks.

So with no further ado, Newtrix bid Alan and his Ward Sister adieu, and sped off again. Soon they were in faster sections with some steep climbs and Ian had time to enjoy the massive torque of the 5.7 litre V8 Chevrolet engine pulling the Patrol along at full speed. When you consider the amount of money he’s spent on an engine rebuild and additional components for the block, if he ever tries to tell you that torque is cheap, don’t believe a word of it.

At the service point they stopped to fix a broken exhaust hanger which was causing the rear exhaust can to thrash around violently under the vehicle. After waiting for hours in the glaring sunshine, Rick was delighted to be able crawl under the shade of the car, cover himself in dust and oil, burn his hands on the exhaust pipe and wish Ian and Sheila “a pleasant onward journey”. What a nice bloke. Did he get a tip? Did he heck.

And so their Dognesses pounded on through the desert, occasionally overtaking vehicles which one might have reasonably expected to able to run faster than Newtrix, but with Ian’s ebullient attitude and incomparable driving skills matched only by Sheila’s faultless navigation, they strove forth in search of glory. Damn. This is good stuff!

However their goal of racing across the finish at PC 5 was not to be – for safety’s sake the organisers will sometimes insist that cars which reach earlier PCs after a certain time limit, must return directly to the bivouac by a more direct route, usually on a combination of gatch and tarmac roads. It means that tired drivers do not end up lost in the middle of no-where late into the evening, thus reducing the load on the Sweep and Rescue teams. Unfortunately Ian and Sheila, along with the vast majority of the field, were subject to such instructions at PC4, meaning that they drove back to the bivouac under the veil of receiving maximum penalties on the day. At the time of writing this blog I know that many drivers who were ‘time barred’ today feel that they have been dealt a rough hand in view of the fact that crews who arrived at PC4 in say, 5 hours, will receive the same ‘maximum’ time (typically 9 hours) on their time sheets as those who made it to PC4 in 7 hours for example. This has been put to the FIA adjudicators and it may be that tomorrow we receive some good news in that respect. Fingers crossed.

So a good day for all – smiles all round.

News on other local racers: Team Saluki put on an impressive display today and are currently in second place overall. Their highest ever race position. Mabrook guys. Dave Mabbs managed to somehow plant the FJ Cruiser on its nose so heavily that he rearranged every component on the front end of the vehicle yet amazingly, not damage the radiator. So whilst he drove it back to the bivouac, it’s currently undergoing major rhinoplasty. Nurse, more swabs please. Where is John Tan when you need him?

Emile and Patrick in Emile’s hand crafted err, vehicle, managed to pitch pole it onto the roof. No-one was hurt thankfully, but by pulling the vehicle onto its side using an on board winch, they flattened the battery so were unable to winch it onto its wheels. It has now been recovered and is back at base camp. Malcolm and Mark in their “Ansell chassis Dune Raider” had another strong day and are running well. I’ll take credit for that thanks.

Until tomorrow. “Walkies”